Creating Safe Spaces

I really planned on working on my term papers that are due in t-minus three weeks. Yet I keep seeing things that pull my attention away from the papers. Sure, I probably didn’t need to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race this week, but it helps me unwind and switch gears. And I will admit that I should probably just turn off my FaceBook account when I am in crunch mode. The real distraction comes from various posts and articles I read where women continually get treated as outsiders in fandom.

What do I mean? I belong to various gaming communities on FaceBook where we share ideas about the game, as well as problems we encounter when running/playing. Recently, a female player was discussing actions in a game that were forced on her. Now, similar discussions have been had by male players and they are generally met with comments like, “I would talk with the GM and tell him that it wasn’t cool to force your character to do something like that” or “You should probably just leave the group, it doesn’t sound like it is a very good space.” Yet, this time, voiced from a woman, she was met with comments like “You shouldn’t whine so much” and when she voiced that she would probably kill off her character and leave the group, she received responses like “Killing yourself and ragequitting a group isn’t attractive.” The fact is, this player was expressing the fact that her character had been impregnated against her will, which amounts to rape, and rape isn’t attractive. When the player attempted to point out that the people making these comments were being sexist, they attempted to again silence her using shame tactics.

When I have seen various posts about the terror of white males in gaming, I have generally cast them aside. I fell into the trap of “This hasn’t happened in my games and it must be really isolated.” The reality is that MY games are really isolated. The games I have run with female players have generally been pretty great and I didn’t think they had really had any situations like this. In retrospect, I realize that one of my games did have a female player that felt uncomfortable and she left, though it wasn’t because of something that had been done to her character and more about how over-the-top one of the players was in his playstyle. As a player, I have certainly been in games where things like pregnancy has been forced on female players and it made me genuinely uncomfortable in the moment (and still bugs me years later). Because of the group I play with, we don’t have many people that play across gender lines, so I have been trying to think if I had ever encountered a male GM doing the same to a female character run by a male player—I can’t think of any. Even if there had been, it would have been equally frustrating, unless this was something we had agreed when we began or with discussion between the player and the GM.

I can’t know what it is like for each female player out there. I can only come at it from my own experiences as a gay male. After I came out, I always set my characters as gay at creation. Most games, it wasn’t discussed because we weren’t really exploring romantic or sexual situations in our game. When it did come up, the GM would just default that all characters are heterosexual and assume that all of us would be beguiled by them (which in and of itself is a terrible trope to use, but not the point of this discussion). Once they started to realize that my character was gay, they slowly started figuring out that perhaps male prostitutes should be seen in taverns, but it generally stopped short of the GM having to act out male-on-male flirtation.

In the game that saw our female companion get raped, the GM was very tactful with my gay character. The game was set in the 20s and he had spent time researching what gay clubs were like at this time. When we would have dream sequences and such, he would discuss both the happiness of me dreaming about my partner as well as the agony of nightmares of losing him. Certainly, there were plenty opportunities for this character to experience horrific torture and sexual assault at the hands of the cultists, but that line was never crossed with me.

Now, the important thing to consider isn’t just the ways that we treat women inside the game, where all too often they are treated as objects to be played with in ways that we generally don’t with our male companions. We also need to consider how we treat them in our community. I have tried very hard, especially as an adult, to make the gaming environment and geek culture an inclusive place. I remember feeling like I was the only gay gamer at our local convention. But, at no point was my identity as a gamer/geek questioned. I acknowledge that other gay gamers and geeks may have had other experiences, but I have generally been accepted into the boy’s club. But, I have watched as women have had to prove their geek cred, by discussing at length how they got into fandom and being tested about various games. When you watch the body language of the questioners, you can see they are ready to pounce on anything that they could use to discredit her. Or they make assumptions that her geeky shirt, “must belong to her boyfriend.”

We are cultured to be dismissive, which is rather unfortunate. This comment shouldn’t be read as affirming of male behavior, through justification. Rather a simple statement of how we tend to react. Our parents, mothers and fathers, dismiss our playing pretend and sometimes dismiss the way we are feeling as ways of helping us grow up. I dismissed the various posts by removing them from my feed or ignoring them without a real thought. Others have verbally dismissed women by trying to silence their complaints. But these dismissive actions serve only to perpetuate the problem. If someone like me, or you, dismisses this type of behavior, we can’t stand up for our fellow games. This means that we aren’t actively working towards an inclusive environment. Maybe we justify our dismissiveness because we don’t want to but it or we don’t want the negative attention we know we will get. When we do that though, we are resting all of the burden on the woman who spoke up and the negative feedback towards them is meant to silence them and force them to put up and shut up or get out of fandom. If we really want to put an end to this type of behavior and work towards inclusion, then we need to be willing to step up and help shoulder some of the attitudes people will throw out there.

While there are those that will read this as me taking up the torch of social justice. And perhaps I am, but I want to be able to be in a fandom where we are all accepted— a place where we can just connect with one another and enjoy the company and the awesome discussions that are possible when we gather with people with similar interests. It shouldn’t matter what gender or race you are or what your background is. While our little playful tests to see how much we have in common can be great, they shouldn’t serve as some sort of sorting hat that determines who gets to be included and who gets to be excluded.

I want to belong to a community where mutual respect is central. This means that we aren’t purposefully trying to create situations where we can make one another uncomfortable just because we can. And if we have made someone uncomfortable, they are empowered to tell us and we are respectful enough to accept the criticism and apologize. I know this part can be difficult. Sometimes, it can feel like the criticism is targeted at us and telling us that we are bad people and that hurts. Getting called out as sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, abelist, sizest, etc., can hurt. We may not realize that what we are doing or saying sounds like that because it isn’t our intention. Or maybe we don’t want other to think poorly of us. All of us ultimately want to be accepted. Labels that “Other” us hurt, which is precisely why we use them. That little face slap can be a good wakeup call. Too often, unfortunately, it can backfire and cause people to push harder against the issue and ignite bigger fires. However, another one our social methods of behavior correction can be beneficial when a person digs in their heels and refuses to change and escalates—avoidance. We don’t like to be cut off from things, but it can be better in the long run to cut someone off and isolate them than to give tacit approval of their behavior because we don’t want to lose friends or have difficult conversations.

Whether we want to accept it or not, white males (especially heterosexuals) have power in the community as a whole. For way too long, fandom has been a boys club. And certainly those of us that have been in it for a while have endured some knocks from people outside of fandom. They teased us and questioned our manliness for playing make belief. We have been torn down and Othered for this thing we are passionate about. Those of us who have experienced that, probably hated every minute of it. It sucks to be belittled. Some of us banded together even tighter because the community we created was a safe place for us to talk about fantasy, science fiction, and all of our favorite characters and games.

It may have felt like this special safe place was invaded when women and non-white men started to find their ways into fandom. But it wasn’t. We were gaining new friends that had the same things in common. Instead of recognizing kindred spirits, some of us recognized that we had the ability to turn the tables. The powerlessness we were made to feel by the “cool” kids was ours to inflict on these new folks. And in doing so, the much coveted sense of power and control was ours to take back. Somehow, in the moment, we forgot what it was like to be the Other--- we got drunk on the power and didn’t care. This was our domain and you needed to earn your way. But no one needed to. All of it could have been so much different. While we can’t change the past, we can damn well make the present a much better place.

It starts by speaking up. Now, speaking up doesn’t mean start a flame war and it doesn’t mean we need to troll everyone (my genuine apologize to any of my readers who identify as a troll). It does mean recognizing sexist/disrespectful behavior. Whether it is inside your game or in various real or virtual spaces where our community comes together, we need to speak up and help put an end to it. While most of this post has been directed at disrespectful behavior towards women, the same is true for speaking out against people being disrespectful towards people of color as well as all of the various diverse personas we find in our community.

Also, recognize that someone may interpret your action different than you intended and they may call you out for it. I know it can be difficult, but put aside your ego for a moment and try to figure out where the miscommunication came from and work together to create a safe space.

Be sensitive and recognize that sometimes folks just need someone to listen. Don’t try to justify what the other person did or said, but recognize and validate the experience. We may not understand where they are coming form, but we can probably find some sort of experience where we can relate. Clarify if the person needs back up or if they just needed to vent. Sometimes, once we get all of the emotions of frustration or anger (or other emotion) out, we recognize that we may have over reacted and just needed to get it out. But, other times we may need some back up to help us stand up for ourselves.

We may also need to recognize that folks who are feeling alienated need a safe space where it is just folks like them. So this may mean and all female-identifying group or a queer group. This gives them that same safe space that many of originally created in response to the experiences we had. Seeking or creating a group like this does not equate to sexist or racist or any other ist (including elitist). It just means that they want to have a safe space and they may not feel like they are getting that. Also, if your immediate reaction is that there needs to be a men’s only group, remember that we had it for a long time and there are groups within the community who are actively trying to make this a men’s only group. This one especially gets me as a gay man, because this mentality is the same as folks wanting straight pride celebrations or white pride marches. Support our friends who feel they need a safe space by empowering them to do what they need and that you are always willing to act as go between or work with them when the deal with the community as a whole.

We need to recognize that there is a problem. There is this pain in our community and we all need to work together to create an inclusive space. One where people of all agents, shapes, sizes, ethnicity, races, gender identity/expression, orientation, and really just all of the things that make us unique, can feel safe and enjoy the company of people who have the same passions in common. All of the things that make us unique mean that there are all of those great experiences that we can explore and play with in our games and all of the different backgrounds mean endless points of discussion. The problem isn't going to end over night. But together, we can make this right. 

Reward and Response

From my Gaming Blog, I talk about using a little bit of cognitive science to improve gamer connection to the game.

For many of us, gaming is a pastime, something we can do to escape the humdrum quagmire of our rather mundane existence. For a few hours, we can sit down at a table—virtually or in real-life—and we can create fictive worlds and relationships with others. The idea is that everyone is doing this because they are having fun, but as GMs, how can you tell if your players are having fun? And if they aren’t, how can you fix that?

The answer to these questions may seem obvious. “I know my players are having fun because they are laughing and joking and smiling,” answered one DM friend of mine. The problem is that through these signs your players are not always telling the truth. Certainly, in that moment, they may well have been having fun, but for others this can be a social camouflage they use to avoid attention.

“I can ask them if they are having fun,” said another friend, who went on to say, “I have a good rapport with my players and they would let me know if they weren’t having fun.” Great rapport definitely goes a long way, but remember that most people do not want to hurt their friends either. I know for me, I have blatantly exaggerated the amount of fun I was having because I wanted to save my friend and myself the embarrassment of having to say, “Dude, I hate your game.”

Some of you may be asking, then, “ok, if I can’t trust what I am seeing or what they are saying, how can I tell if they are having fun?” The answer to this question starts before the game even begins. It starts with a pre-game Q&A that you do with the individual players.

This is something that I have been experimenting with for a little bit now. When I first started running games, it was all about me. I had a story that I wanted to tell and I wanted my friends to provide the characters. The problem for this was there would be times, and they were a plenty when I first started, when the characters would want to go one direction inside the story and I needed them to go a different way. Of course, as a GM I would force their decisions to still take them where I needed them to go. The harder they pushed, though, the less fun I could tell they were having and I know the frustrations were detracting from mine as well.

The answer to my quandary came about from my own academic interests in cognitive theory and roleplaying. One of the things that we know about aesthetics and the study of why we read fiction, it is that our brain likes response and reward systems. We even use it as a way to socially pattern ourselves, providing kudos and positive rewards for good work, and admonishing not so good behavior with criticism and negative responses. If we, as GMs, work smarter, by using a similar system, we can produce hours of fun for everyone involved alongside memories that will outlive the game itself.

The first thing we want to understand is what constitutes positive rewards for our players? We want to know what their wants, interests, and needs are. I generally hate this terminology, as it is also what many folks use to determine sales pitches, but the fact is that it works. A few things to consider are:

• What does the player want to get out of the gaming experience?
• What are they interested in exploring during the game?
• What do they need in order to have a fun experience?

Understanding what the player wants to get out of the gaming experience helps us put in perspective what the game means for them. For me, when I have the opportunity to game, it means that I am taking a break from work/school/personal life to get away and relax. This means that I don’t want my time wasted with unnecessary distractions that aren’t related to the experience. My frustration triggers are excessive out of character discussions during designated game time or when the story isn’t moving forward.

Taking a moment to understand what the player wants to explore recognizes one of the historic uses of roleplaying—a safe place to question and consider things that might be bugging me in the real world. Lately, I have been interested in exploring other genders and making sure that gender or race are actually important within the game. This does not mean that I need the games I play in to be filled with gender rhetoric or racism, but rather I want the choices I make about my character to matter within the story. If I am playing a bearded dwarven female, I am ok with being mistaken for a man and consider how that might affect me.

Balancing what people need in order to have fun helps to make sure that you are giving each player a little something that is just for them. One group I have been with does this by giving them some sort of in-game item on (or around) their real-world birthday. It is recognition that they are important. But also understanding what kind of situations are rewarding and fun for the player is useful too. I have friends that love riddles and puzzles, not something they can simply roll a dice and figure out, but something engages them as players to figure out. For others, they like role-playing scenarios where their choice of words can have direct impact on the game. For me, I want to feel like my character is real and my decisions matter.

A way to help figure these things out is working with each player during character creation. I enjoy writing character backstories, as they help set the stage for my character and help me figure out how they fit into the world. I recognize that not every player is going to want to do that, but if it is something you want your players to consider, look at giving them some kind of reward for doing it. An example can be an heirloom item—something they start the game with that comes from their background. The more information given about the backstory and how the character came to possess it, the more the heirloom can be worth.  Remember, rewards can encourage players. If you do this though, make sure to recognize that players are going to come from different comfort levels with writing. You might get someone like me, who details their character from birth to the beginning of the game, or a player that might only provide a list of events.

While they are generating their character, ask them about questions about what they, as players, want to get from the game. Remember if you ask make it relevant in the game. The worst thing you can do is ask questions and feign interest in the answers and then do nothing with them. I would also recommend asking what the character wants to get out of the story too. What sort of short-term and long-term goals do the players have for their character? Because I like to work with pre-generated adventures, these short and long term goals provides ways I can reward the players and provide experiences they will have that is different from what someone else running that game will have.

Keep notes about the characters and what they are working on. I have found that keeping a GM document for each player is useful. I can use this to create side events, vignettes, and long-term story arches for each player and keep them separate. I can also use those to keep track of how they react when they get to interact with their storylines. If I throw out an NPC name that they interacted with during a one-on-one event and they light up, I can make note of that. If there is no reaction or clearly negative reaction, such as body language shut down or aggravation, I can make note to adjust how I am presenting information. Be sure that you are sharing the attention across all the players—everyone wants some time in the light.

As discussed in a previous post, be sure to set aside time are regular intervals to take the pulse of the group. This is a great time to talk about what the character is doing inside the game. Have they met their short-term goals? Based on what has been happening in the game, are their new goals they would like to start working towards and are there some that they want to abandon? Because it can be easier to talk in terms of the character, versus the player, you can also ask if there are different things the characters might like to see happen in the story? This can be especially useful if you have players that can be non-confrontational, who might not speak up about what they need or want. Be prepared to adapt to the information you get and experiment with new approaches.

Most importantly, as the GM, you need to do these things for yourself too. Why are you running the game and what do you want to get out of it? Take some time after the game to reflect on what happened, what went well, what didn’t go well, and review the in-game notes you made. Find a balance that works for you and your players and you will find that each of you are getting the rewards that makes the game engaging and fun and driving you to look forward to the next game.  

A Small Departure

Not that I have been blogging frequently, but I have realized that the bulk of my writing tends to split down into a few primary themes, with one of them being gaming. Because gaming is a big part of my social outlet and a dominant source of my writing, I figured it is about time for me to split off and have a separate blog specifically for my gaming related writing. I will still be posting my personal essays on my this blog and may occasionally cross post in both places.

My intent for this blog will be a space for me to give advice about gaming, character stories, advice, and reviews. This is not necessarily limited to role-playing games and it is my intention to include content about the various games I play. To this end, I am not much of a video gamer. I have really tried to get into them, but especially as graphics improve and there is a bigger push for first person style games, I find myself completely unable to play. Give me a good side scroll-er and I am set, but alas those days seem far behind us.

Embodied Identities and Social Othering

I would never consider myself an attractive person, in general. Certainly there are people that find me to be, my husband being one of them, and I am thankful for that. But, I just don't see it. Our appearance is the first thing people judge when they see us. Even if we consider ourselves fairly open minded, our brain is studying the body as we come into contact. The body language we emote is being mirrored in the observer's brain and attempting to relate. We also spend a good deal of time looking at each other's faces and especially the eyes of another person. Whether we are conscious of it or not, our brain is attempting to classify, identify, and understand each other by looking at one another's bodies.

I saw a meme recently that really got me thinking about appearance:

This image bothers me because I identify more with the image on the left. Attractive, non-geek/nerds, have said similar things to me as I was growing up. But, at that time geek wasn't chic, so I am sure even if I was attractive I'd have caught hell-- probably more so because I was break attractive protocol and operating outside of my designated areas. Yet, now that we are in a world that has embraced the geek and is profitting from people's geekiness, here we find a terrible othering that is happening. 

I will not say that I am an absolute expert on cultures, but it is one of my areas of study. Biologically, we are more apt to be attracted to attractive partners as they are often more fit and our offspring will benefit from the coupling with such a person. Additionally, related animals (even humans) are more likely to be altruistic towards members who have high fitness. I suppose it is important to clarify that fitness in this sense isn't necessarily your ability to run a three-minute mile and then immediately go for a swim and then bike. But, rather fitness in this sense is actually our ability to produce offspring that will survive to breed and ensure genetic material is passed to subsequent generation. Altruism in this case, especially among related folks, helps ensure familial genetic information moves forward. But, what is beautiful and attractive cane be quite different from culture to culture and region to region. 

What is frustration, is that when something is not identified as beautiful culturally, we (at least as Americans) tend to reduce them, othering them and separating those who are not from those who are. These physical characteristics which we may or may not be able to change become part of our embodied identities. I was recently talking with a co-worker. She and her daughter had gastric bypass surgery done a year and a half ago and her daughter has had some startling changes happen for her. Since the surgery, this young lady has lost over 190 pounds and looks great. But, she still has her big girl attitude and has made the comment that she just could never be a "skinny bitch." For this young lady, her size had become part of her identity, yet now without the size, she retained the identity and attitude that had been forged from it. 

Being a person of size, people have often asked me if I had considered weight loss surgery as a way to get healthy. My immediate reactions are: just because you have lost weight doesn't make you healthy and currently, other than my testosterone serum, all of my numbers are fine. This includes my heart rate, blood pressure, and my body chemistry. I have thought about surgery and each time I remember I have spent 36 years in this body, it is part of who I am and how I see myself. Drastically changing it may not be the best for my mental health. 

In addition to my size, I also have noticeable psoriasis on my face, scalp, and ears. Each time I go to the doctor, usually the clinic on campus, I get the questions, "do you want something to help with that rash?" I explain that it isn't a rash and identify what it actually is. I previously was on medication for my psoriasis that made it less apparent, but with changes to my prescription coverage, this medicine is too expensive and I ceased treatment. We usually end up talking about alternatives and I explain that I am ok with the way it looks. I have dealt with people thinking that these red areas are sun burns or, worse, something that is contagious and treated like I am infectious, even after explaining what it is. But our preoccupation with the external causes many folks to question why I don't "do something about it." They feel that it is gross and, by extension, I am gross for just letting it be. 

Returning to the picture, we see two young women. Both with glasses and both with longer hair. The acceptable one is depicted as blonde and slim, even athletic. The othered is shown with red hair, which currently seems to be an "in" hair color even if gingers are socially discussed as soulless. The one characteristic that seems to make the young lady on the left "unattractive" is that she is a bigger girl. Admittedly, having her hair pulled back also conveys a look that suggest her hair is oily because of its sheen. We can't see enough of the left's clothing style, but it can be difficult to find "trendy" clothes when you are plus sized. Without being able to talk to the girl on the right, we don't know if she is poser-geek or geek for chic, but if we approach from the idea that these two are equally nerdy/geeky, with similar tastes in TV shows, video games, table top gaming, etc, then the only things that really differentiates them is a few pounds and the ability to find "attractive" clothes that flatter their body. Yet, these incredibly superficial things create a privileged identity for the young lady on the right and the other is a marked other, who is diminished verbally and socially othered and shamed. 

This doesn't just happen for women either. There is another co-worker who is animatedly into anime. During his breaks, he can be found pacing from the cafeteria to the cozy nooks near the books, cellphone to ear, talking about some aspect of his geeky interests. I remember one day, he was having a particularly loud discussion about Dragon Ball Z. The gentleman has dark hair that often looks greasy, glasses, usually some kind of unkempt stubble, nasalated voice, a shifting/shuffling gait that just adds to the perceived oddness of him. His clothing style is suggestive of thrift shop, but not in the Macklemore sense, but rather colors and styles that have fallen from popular and hispters haven't re-trended them. This particular day I became conscious of the ways I was internally othering him. The nasalated voice and his gait particularly affected the way I thought of him and I caught myself thinking this is what the world sees when they think of geeks. In that moment of awareness, I realized that I was doing the same thing that I wished others wouldn't do about me. And I wondered, if he looked different, would I think differently of him than I did in that moment?

We can't always control our thoughts, but I would challenge you -- just as I am challenging myself -- to try to be more aware of your thought process. How are you othering people in your thought and how would that be changed if they looked different? What do you normalize and what do you other? What modes of internal or external identity are privileged to you and which are marked and are cast out or aside? I know a few in my circle that will socially say that they see everything as equal, but you might be surprised when you take a step back. I have found that the people that are most interested in free thinking spend most of their time trying to get others to think like themselves, because they have privileged their own thoughts and others anyone who doesn't agree with them. 

The Season's Upon Us ... It is THAT time of year

Admittedly, the title is stolen from one of my favorite Dropkick Murphy's songs and is about Christmas, but Con season is sort of like Christmas for the socially awkward. It is a time to gather together with your Con family and share far too little time with them. But the frantic-ness of the weekend seems to push you to create memories that last a life time with people who know you, love you, and accept you for all of your nerdy idiosyncrasies. I talked about the importance of the family we choose and their validity in an earlier post. And I can attest, my Con family are definitely part of my tribe. 

Before I get into the post itself, I want to invite any of you reading to come join the festivities. MisCon takes place this weekend (May 24 - 27) at Ruby's Inn. I know it is short notice if you weren't already planning to attend. Even if you are only able to attend for a single day, it is well worth the time and money to do so. 

I was inspired to write as I saw a post of the MisCon Facebook page. The poster was quite excited as this will be his first MisCon and several folk, myself included, talked about their first experience at this amazing convention.. It wasn't really the best format for me to talk about my own experiences, not only at my first convention but how much it has affected me. I suppose a sort of tribute to my Con home and the people that make it possible. These people are not only my friends and family, they are hardworking and dedicated to making MisCon an experience for everyone. 

It has been so long, I don't completely remember how old I was when I went to my first convention. I know I was over 18, as I was living on my own, and I was under 21 and unable to drink at the room parties. Honestly, that was ok for me, I was never much of a drinker. There was a group of us that had been playing a great card game called Highlander. I was the City Representative for the game and, by reaching out to some other nearby Reps, arranged for a Tri-Cities tournament at MisCon. We had agreed on the location as Missoula was the easiest spot to get to for the folks coming from Idaho and was mentioned by folks in Billings and Moscow, ID. 

A very good friend figured out the logistics and put together a hotel room for the group of us. We weren't able to secure a room at the convention, but it would work just fine. We figured out what it would cost for everyone (gas, hotel room, convention entrance, food) and split it up between the group of us that would be going. We all arranged our time off for the weekend and set about putting together our decks and playtesting them to be ready for the competition. 

Back then, I didn't realize just how shy I was. I knew I was socially awkward, but I never really felt shy. I had sort of developed a cover for it and had convinced myself that I was this very outgoing gent that was friendly and enjoyed the company of others. MisCon sort of destroyed the veil I had created. After getting our room situated at the other hotel, we went over to the DoubleTree and got registered for the convention. As I recall, the registration area was very close to the gaming room and my first feelings of anxiety hit when I walked into that room. It seemed gigantic to me, filled with tables. Around the tables sat gamers of every age and size, mostly males, enthralled by the game they were playing. Board games, card games, RPGs of all sorts and kinds were all around. The noise of excited chattering, intense scene descriptions, incoherent babbling, and frantic laughing made the air in there thick and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Someone, thankfully, gave my coat a tug and we busied ourselves with finding a little corner of our own.

Throughout that weekend, I just sat at our table. I had volunteered to stay put and watch the cards and bags while the others ran off to check out other games, various panels, and, most importantly, to get food for our little cadre of gamers. I busied myself with fiddling with my various decks and thinking of new strategies for the decks I saw in action by my competitors.

The very last night, around midnight, I finally was able to break away from the table. We had packed all of the cards away and would be leaving in the morning. I didn't have my tether to the table and I wasn't ready to go back to the hotel. I took my first pensive steps away from the table and farther into the gaming room. By this time, the wall of sound was a mere murmur and there were only a couple of tables with games going. I saw a group of people sitting down at a larger table and recognized one of them as Andy Mocko. He was a fellow DeMolay and was someone, beyond my own group, that I knew. He invited me to take a seat and told me they were just going to start a game. It was a card game called Vampire: the Eternal Struggle. I don’t remember actually playing the game, just eating the Pez that we used as blood points and laughing. I was actually having fun. I had so much fun in those few hours around that table that when we stopped by to wrap things up the next morning that I registered to come the following year.

I wasn't able to make it the next year, but the seed was planted.

When I moved to Missoula, MisCon became a bigger deal to me. At first, I came because I would get roped in to helping with the Registration table. For some reason, many people really don’t like working that area. It can be loud and the people can be a bit cranky. But I liked it. It gave me a table to be tethered too and a focus to my activity there. Add to this my uncanny ability to get people to laugh even when they are upset and it turned out that having me there worked out for all involved. When I wasn’t working the table, I would often run game demonstrations, with my husband, for Amanda at Muse Comics. Volunteering in one capacity or another has become the thing that I do at the conventions.

As MisCon has grown, it has evolved. I remember, when I first started to attend, feeling very alone at the convention. Being the only gay geek that I knew, I hoped there might be others like me at the convention. I didn’t find any the first couple years that I went. I did find quite a few people that seemed very homophobic but that doesn’t really stop me too much. If anything, people acting that way only makes me act gayer. I suppose it is an infantile response, but it is how I challenge people like that. And it worked. As time went on, the people that gave me problems stopped and started inviting me to hang out. Some of the folks that were the biggest haters have since become my best friends. In time, I did find other geeks like myself and have been happy to watch MisCon become a place where geeks of every orientation and persuasion are embraced and made to feel welcome. MisCon now hosts its own Drag Show as part of the festivities and it warms my heart to see this kind of acceptance in the community that I love.

I have had a chance to visit other conventions like RadCon in Tri-Cities, WA; SpoCon in Spokane, WA, and NorWestCon in Seattle, WA. Each of them are great conventions in their own right, but none of them are quite like MisCon. Even though my social anxiety still triggers when I am at MisCon, it usually only lasts for the first day or comes and goes throughout. It is not quite as debilitating as it was in those first few years I started to attend. The greatest part is that I have so many friends and family members at the Con that can help me work through it that I can generally have a very enjoyable weekend.

          Having a chance to volunteer year after year for MisCon has allowed me to also meet the Inner Circle; those crazy and dedicated folks that make this all work. I had no idea how much work goes into making a given convention a success. It really does take all year to put a successful convention together. Add to that, it may take a couple years to court a guest and get the logistics for getting them there. Throughout the weekend, many of them sacrifice time gaming or attending panels to make sure that everyone has an enjoyable time. For all of their hard work, I would like to thank the ConCom and the Security Team. These folks are truly amazing. 

The Human Factor

I have been spending much of my time lately working on a piece of short fiction. The wonderful people over at SkyWarrior Books have a call out of Werewolf stories. This was perfect as I've had a few werewolf ideas knocking around in my noggin. It was like kismet.

One of the things that I have always struggled with when writing about characters is injecting them with life. Giving them those little traits that make them feel alive to the reader. As I have taken to writing in the first person, this typically becomes a problem for the other characters in the story. Since you are inside the "cockpit" of the storyteller, you get their thoughts, emotions, motivations, and charming physical actions.

To help overcome this, I've been spending more time looking at people. Not just watching from a distance to see how they move, but talking to them. What motivates them? What do they think their annoying habits are? What do they think of their friends' annoying habits? What makes them a character? Do they have any peculiar mannerism? I think my fascination with humans and how they choose to interact with one another is fundamentally why I love reality TV.

However, lately, I haven't really needed to watch reality TV to watch people act in inappropriate and unprecedented ways. This new character I find so interesting popped into my life about a year or so ago. In many ways, he reminded me of kids I knew in high school. At the time we met, he had recently turned 18, so in some ways he was still a child when it comes to real life. I suppose what initially interested me in him was his outside appearance didn’t match up with how he acted or reacted to the people around me.

An oversized gold and silver belt buckle was the first thing that caught my eye. The thing had to be the size of a salad plate and made me wonder how he sat down without getting hurt. Blue jeans rough and worked looked painted on his thick muscular legs. His arms rested on his hips, re-directing attention to the larger than life buckle. His t-shirt was something that the dim-witted masses would find witty and likely purchased in the redneck isle of the local Big-mart. His lip bulged as it tried to hide a dip of tobacco far too large for it. The only thing that was missing from the picture was a proper 10-gallon hat. I supposed it was in the mud-covered truck that doubled as his bedroom.

I am from Montana, and sights like him are a dime a dozen. None of what I saw in that initial appearance marked him as anything other than your average cowboy ‘round these parts. But what did mark him as different was the company he chose to keep. If I had run into him at a bar, I wouldn’t have thought anything about this rather unremarkable kid. I was taken aback when I found him in the dressing room surrounded by drag queens in various stages of dress. He was helping one particular queen put herself together. He kept referring to her as “Mama.” Despite his rough and uncouth appearance, he was a perfect gentleman with this queen.

Mama took good care of her boy. And the cowboy youth found his way into many queer events. He was a defender of those who threatened to start a fire with their mere presence. His quiet, measured laughter echoed after any joke the queens told. But for Mama, he saved the belly-busting laughter of genuine amusement.

I tried to keep my distance from him, giving me a chance to watch him in his natural habitat. Something about my own preconceived notions of how a redneck should act around queers drew me in though. I talked with him and fell in love with the stories he would tell. And stories they were; tall stories.

A nineteen-year-old who swore he already served his time over in Kuwait. He sounded just like every other young vet I’d met, which made me forget that he wasn’t old enough to have the experience he was describing. The only thing that was missing was the obvious traits of PTSD that many soldiers have to one degree or another.

When I could get away and clear my head and actually think about what he was saying, I realized that he was full of shit. However, when you were there with him, something about the way he held your eyes in his made you suspend your disbelief. He was like a cobra, using his hood to hypnotize you and distract you from the truth. You didn’t even care that he was feeding you a line of bull, you just wanted to hear him tell it.

The more I interacted with him, the more I realized that nearly everything (beyond his name) that came out of his mouth was a lie. He seasoned every lie with just enough reality and truth to make you believe him. And I realized that the reason people flocked to him was because of the manufactured charisma that these stories gave him. I hoped that my friends could see him for what he was, a modern snake oil salesman.

If I hadn’t met him, I probably would have believed him to be a character in a story. I suppose, in some ways, he is a character in the story of my life. However, watching him interact with friends and strangers made me really think about the characters I write for stories or games. Do I give them enough realism or are they cardboard cut outs that solely exist for the protagonists to interact with? Should every character have mannerisms and modes of dress that suggest a certain personality? And how do I give them just enough to not steal the spotlight?

How do you give characters depth in your stories or games? Feel free to comment below.

Player Versus Story

As mentioned in a previous post, I am working on a game I can run at conventions this year. It got me thinking about story/game content versus what players want. I have been putting together my own stories almost since I started playing this game. I guess, as a writer, I enjoy creating worlds and watching people play in them.

Don't get me wrong. I do like published games. They are nice jump off spots or fillers. I am just not a fan of full campaigns that are pre-published. I feel they are too restrictive. Maybe that is just because I tend to run for players that like to think outside of the box. I remember running my first published game. I was completely unprepared for where my players took the story.

However, I have played in GM crafted games where the ability to get outside of the box is not possible. They thwart any attempt to go outside of the parameters of their story. This is such a boring approach to gaming for me.

GM: "You are in a square room. Each wall contains a door. What do you do?"

Players: "Try a door."

GM: "Which one?"

Players: pointing at the map "Umm, this one."

GM: "It is locked"

Players: "Split up, Fighter, try the doors. Rogue check for traps and lock mechanisms. The rest of us canvas and look for keys"

GM: "The fighter finds that all of them are locked except this one." points at the map. "Your search reveals no keys or other contraptions for unlocking the other doors."

Rogue Player: "I attempt to pick the lock of this one" points at map

GM: "After several attempts, you are unable to properly pick the lock"

Players: "Clearly there is something cool behind these other doors, but apparently he," points at the GM, "wants us to go here."

I suppose for some people, this type of game is appealing. I don't think I have ever met these people. But my guess is that they do exist somewhere in the known universe.

There will be times when the GM does have to rope the players back into the "reality" of the story so that they don't go off of the deep end. However, the way that your players react to a situation can give you insight into the kind of story they want to play in. In fact, this is how I tend to use published material. Use it as a starting point and see how the characters react. What story elements do they gravitate towards? What NPCs seems most interesting to them? What story are they telling amongst themselves about who they are and where they want to go? From there, I can use these ideas to plot further down the line.

I try not to plan too far out. A couple of chapters fully scene-ed with notes for where I think it is going or what elements I would like to bring to the table. Players are fickle. And the last thing I want to do is spend all my free time between games crafting story elements that will never see play. Or writing the whole story based solely on how they react/play during the first couple of "chapters."

This is again where I vary from some folks I have played with. I have been in the game where the GM has spent a great deal of time crafting what they feel is an amazing story. And when you first start playing, you groove with the style. As your character grows and develops, the story has less and less to do with where you are going in life. But you are trapped in it. I have even suggested downtime things that my player would be interested in and been ignored as it is not part of the story they want to tell. I probably should have left the game at that point. But I liked the people so I tolerated it.

What all of this comes down to is really just some advice. If you are a GM, do not buy into the idea that you are god. You may have spent quite a bit of you time refining your story. But remember, that the characters are driven by intelligent people. They will grow and develop just like real people and what was fun for them at the start may not be where they are now. Don't force your story on your players. Let it grow and develop with them. It will be more enjoyable for both of you in the end.

How Gaming Is Helping Me

Lately, I have been thinking of resurrecting my ideas of a Mage: the Ascension game. The urge to craft a story and run it for some folks has been building up since MisCon. Unfortunately, I do not currently have a game group. My former group of players split up a year or so ago. However, my lack of players has not qwelled my interest in putting together a game.

There will be opportunities to run it, I suppose. Right now, I am crafting a one-shot game to kick the story off. I suppose I could run it at one of the game days here in Missoula or take it with me to the Great Falls Gaming Rendezvous. This seems like an easy solution to my current desire. However, it will require me to get over my unfortunate stage fright.

I mentioned in a previous post that I have developed a certain level of anxiety when it comes to gaming. I am rather amazed that I haven’t given up on the hobby because of it. But I suppose I am a glutton for punishment. However, at the heart of this is an absolute fear of playing with people I don’t know. I don’t know how they are going to act or react to me and I feel them judging everything that I do. Often, it drives out the very soul of my character and replaces it with a rudimentary artificial intelligence that is only capable of rolling dice.

Thankfully, this year at MisCon, I finally pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and played in a game ran by a dear friend. Prior to the convention, I had played a test version of one of the games he ran over the weekend. This was helpful as I had a couple of people from my old gaming group along with two people that I know, but have never played with. It was like playing with a safety blanket. At the convention, I played with four people I have never met before. The only one I knew in the room was the GM.

I will admit now that the entire time we gamed my palms were sweaty and my heart was fluttering with nervousness. But I pushed that aside and had fun. Of course, it was easy in that game. I was Peter Pan. And I had one mission. Find Tinkerbell and rescue her. There was a bit of in-character wimpering for my fairy and calling out her name. I rushed into danger headlong. I flew about using my fairy dust. And ultimately, by the end of it, I didn’t feel judged. I felt that we all had a rather fun time.

Those few hours as Peter started something inside me. If I could push aside my anxiety as a player, could I do the same as a GM? Could I put together a story that would entertain the players and allow them to focus on the game and not on the person running it? I think I can. And to that end, I am going to be focusing on putting together a game and testing it out. Maybe one will lead to another and another. Who knew gaming could help a person deal with social anxiety?

Things Return in Spades

I am sure I am not alone when I say I have been forced to get rid of some of my gaming habits over the years. Sometimes it has been to make room for other gaming habits. Other times it has been to get money to live. Parting with things has always been hard for me. Books and cards are like old friends that I want to keep around but just can’t.

Prior to leaving Helena, I had to get rid of cards for a game I played back in High School. It was an old TCG based on Highlander. You may notice as I continue to post that I have a thing for Highlander. I own all of the seasons of the TV show in one format or another. And I have a Director’s Cut of the original film. Anyways, when the card game came out, I spent much of my free money (which was a bit at the time) on cards. I had a huge collection including hard-to-get promo cards. The company that produced it went out of business some time ago, so there hasn’t been anything new released in a while. After a while, the group that I played with ultimately stopped playing and changed back to Magic. A dear friend said that he was willing to take the collection as he was trying to keep the game alive with a few of his friends. I let them go as they were just taking up space in my little apartment.

When I got to Missoula, I again had to make peace with getting rid of some books. For the angst-y part of my teenage years, I became quite fond of World of Darkness (old school not the new stuff). Primarily I played Vampire: the Masquerade but also had most of the Werewolf: the Apolcalypse and Mage: the Ascension books. Thankfully, Andy at Gallant games understood what it meant to be in dire need of cash. I moved here with enough money to pay for gas in the vehicles it took to haul my stuff from Helena. What I could make from my books had to go to feeding me until I got a job and became a bit more stable. He bought them all.

So a year or so ago, a friend on the MisCon Committee said that he needed to get rid of some old World of Darkness books. He was no longer using them and they were just taking up space. At the time, I had gotten a jones-ing to play the games of my youth again and was trying to put together a workable library. While I could easily have reacquired the entire library in digital form via various torrent sites, I would rather have the hard copies while I work on game bits. So he brought them to a meeting and the moment I laid eyes on them I beamed. I was looking at my old friends. Not all of them. But many of the books he had brought were the ones I had parted with several years before. He confirmed my suspicion that he had acquired them as used books from Gallant Games. A couple of months later, a friend from Helena said that he had lost his storage space and asked if I knew anyone who was interested in a bunch of World of Darkness books. I said that I would be glad to take them off of his hands. I know have all of the books that I had before moving here plus several more.

Just a few minutes ago, I returned from reacquiring my old Highlander cards. It turns out that the friend that I had turned them over to had given them to a mutual friend. I had posted a couple times on Facebook how much I missed playing the game and the new owner said that he had them. After talking to him for a bit he agreed to part ways with them. In addition to the cards I had, I have acquired hundreds more. I now have enough to make several good decks to play with friends and reminisce about times long past.

I suppose this is like geek karma. Put good things out into the geek world and the geek world will return three fold. My suggestions for all geeks, keep putting out good karma and it will return.

And Now, A Musical Interlude

One of the many panels I wish I could have made it to at MisCon this year was on music during games. I would have loved to hear what other people think. I for one am a big fan of music in general. Might be why I was in choir from the time I was 8 until I graduated from High School. Or it could be that I wrote my first piece of music when I was 4 years old. Who knows?

Music has the ability to evoke so many subtle emotions. I have had to be careful of the tunes I put on in the car. Happy joyful music I can sing along to – no problem. Music that makes me rage and I am speeding and passing people left and right.

Before I go too far, I should explain that my games of choice at the moment are Shadowrun, D&D 3.5 (I still haven’t played Pathfinder), and anything from the old World of Darkness line. I am also in a Call of Cthulhu game as a player (a rare treat). These games have been my mainstays for quite a while. I would love to branch out more so that I can experience more systems and be a bit better-rounded as a gamer.

I love how music can help shape a game session. In my opinion, music can have a stronger impact on the game then maps, minis, or pictures. Especially if you can time it well. Of course, the problem I have seen is that certain tracks are selected and they simply play on random/repeat. After a while it reminds me of the music they pipe into WalMart, where you know there are other songs but your mind only grabs on to one or two. It becomes monotonous and ultimately gets boring and has little impact on the overall game.

I have had the chance to GM a game where I had a little more control on the tunes while we played. This can be difficult to do, depending on your set up. They way that I set it up, was having some general music to just represent street noise and the “white noise” within the game. We were playing Shadowrun, so this consisted of mundane techno beats that weren’t too hard or too mellow. Then I had a playlist that was specifically Hard/Fast to tune to when action picked up. I could then change back when they got back to mundane actions.  The players seemed to appreciate it and I loved watching their body language change when the music did.

Of course, finding the right music is important to the whole process too. I can only handle so much Midnight Syndicate while I play D&D (or any other game for that matter). During my last Werewolf Chronicle, I had a DJ friend throw together a set that was grimy and really had the feel of the overall story I was going for. Each of my players got a copy as part of playing in the game. However, I don’t know that having a professional DJ whip up all of your music is necessarily the best way for everyone. And I am not sure that I could resort to that every time.
The following are bands/songs/or musical works that are my go-to when it comes to background music:

Loreena McKennitt – Her music has found its way into high fantasy games as well as urban fairy tales. She is easy to have the volume low and just feel the spirit of it. Also use it when I am working on story content for games.

E Nomine – I can only blame my friend Josh for this one. I love the gritty sound that the German gives the music. I think there is some power to the fact that most of it is just spoken over electronic music. This one definitely gets into Vampire/Werewolf or a Dark Fae game as well as gritty Shadowrun. It doesn’t flow as well with high fantasy, although it could have its place. This is another go to when writing.

Carmina Burena – This can and has found its way into many games. The first time I heard O, Fortuna was while watching Excalibur and I can never really get that out of my head.

Night on Bald Mountain – Need I say more? I love the dark feel of it. The sequence of Fantasia still freaks me out a little.

Midnight Syndicate – Yes, I stated earlier that sometimes they can be overused. However, they are still a good fallback for “mood music”

Vision – The Music of Hildegard Von Bingen. Actually listening to this as I write this blog. Along with most Gregorian style chant, I love the power this type of music has. Perhaps a throwback to when I was looking to join a monastery.  I have used these in fantasy games as well as Mage:  the Ascension stories.

Enya – Similar to Loreena, I can seem to find a place for her music in almost any sort of game.

Enigma – See above. I know this is cliché, but I love the music.

DJ HAuLi – Have to give a shout out to my DJ buddy that was willing to throw together a set for me.

Nature Tracks – Various CDs of natural noises. I used a few wolf howl CDs for my Werewolf game. These can also be used in a high fantasy game for forest noises.

What are your go-to tracks/bands/etc for gaming? Do you even use music in your game? Tell us about it in the comments below.

Rebellion and Family Bonding

My mother was convinced that Dungeons and Dragons was a form of devil worship. She didn’t want me to have anything to do with it. I couldn’t really grasp why she was so against this game. She didn’t know anyone personally that played, so she didn’t have any experience in how playing a Dwarven warrior would conjure demons that would devour my soul. So what did I do? The only thing a teenager can do. Rebel against my mother.

I was first introduced to D&D when I was in the 6^th grade. A kid in one of my classes, who was also the son of one of the Deacon’s at church, introduced me. How demonic could it be if he was allowed to play it? He would tell me about the wonderful worlds that he and his friends created in their own imaginations. He told me about sinister overlords and the mighty heroes that could defeat them. And one day, during a study break, he busted out his books and helped me make my first character. I was such an idiot back then. I thought a Halfling was actually a half – Ling. I honestly believed that there was some magical race called Lings and a Halfling had one parent that was a Ling and one that was a human. I didn’t fully understand the rules. But I remember being mesmerized by the magical 20-sided die that determined success or failure.

I tried to remember as much of what I learned in that one sitting and replicate it with some neighborhood kids. I couldn’t remember all of the races, but I knew there were Dwarves, Elves, Half-Lings and humans. I remember I wanted to tell a story so bad that when a friend asked if they could be a quarter-Ling, I was completely ok with it. It didn’t matter what races they played, I wanted to re-enact the story that I had watched unfold in front of me. The gaming bug had bitten. And I knew that it would forever be part of who I was.

I vaguely remember my parents talking about Dungeons and Dragons and how it corrupted the immortal soul of the poor children that played it. I wanted to say something, but I was afraid maybe I had already been corrupted by it. Thankfully, a friend had an alternative. It was Lord of the Rings Adventure Gaming by Iron Crown Enterprises. They still used the magical polyhedron that I had fallen in love with, even if it went to 10 twice. We would play a couple times a week, when I stayed at his house after school. I didn’t know anything about J. R. R. Tolkien at that time, or even what the Lord of the Rings was. But I enjoyed playing make-believe with my friends.

My father found out about our weekly gaming and he seemed to glow. He was a big Tolkien fan and felt that this might be one of those bonding moments that he needed. For Christmas that year, he bought me (or rather Santa delivered) the box set for the Lord of the Rings game. I remember taking it to school after Christmas break and joining with my buddy CJ and Logan and talking about how cool the game was. They were both fairly unimpressed. They both had experience playing D&D and were convinced that it was a far superior game.

During my middle school years, I had a bit of a problem in school. I wasn’t much for studying and eventually my father started taking me to the library after school to ensure that all of my home work was done. It was during these trips that I started poking around at the public library and found that they had the Player’s Handbook and Dungeon Master’s Guide for AD&D 2^nd Edition. I remember the first time I checked them out. I hid the books from my father, stuffing them in my book bag as quickly as I could. My heart was slamming against the inside of my chest as adrenaline fired through my veins. I think I had those two books checked out for almost a year straight.

Having the books earned me some credit with my “cool” friends that knew the game better than I. We would make up excuses of studying for tests so that I could go to CJ’s place after school to play the game I had grown to love. And still I had to hide it.

I think coming out of the gaming closet and telling my mom that I played D&D was what gave me the strength to later come out about being gay. I still think it was pretty epic. It was my freshman year in high school. I had become close friends with a guy named Jim who was a senior. By the way, any time a freshman has a friend that is a senior it is pretty awesome. Anyways, Jim said he wanted to show my mom that it wasn’t evil. So given the strength of my friends, I told my mother that I had some friends that were going to come over on a Friday night and we were going to play D&D. At first she was furious. But then I told her that I didn’t mind if she wanted to watch. If a demon was summoned we might need her help putting it back where it belonged. She didn’t like this answer, but eventually she relented. I may have given her my sad puppy dog eyes that always won her over.

So the arranged date arrived and Jim came to my house with his fiancée. CJ came as well for moral support. My mother, bless her, decided to make homemade doughnuts while we played. That way she was in the kitchen the entire time and could see/hear exactly what happened. I am still convinced that somewhere in the kitchen was a Bible and her rosary.
We buckled in and Jim began to weave his tale. There was a good deal of in-character dialog, many tongue-in-cheek comments, groans of defeat and cheers of victory. At one point, CJ got Brandy (Jim’s fiancée) laughing so hard  we needed to take a break so she could puff on her inhaler. No demons were summoned at all during the session. After it was all done, my mother came to Jim and I and asked if that was all there was to D&D. We both explained that it was. My mother’s eyes lit up and she asked if could join us next time. We were delighted.

I helped my mother make her elven sorceress and watched with pride as she played along with us the next week. I still remember the glee in her eyes when she critically struck one of the bad guys and Jim described how her dagger cleanly removed the cultist’s man-bits. She may have even squealed a little.

She never played with us again after that. But the moments we shared at the table made her realize that just because she had heard something didn’t necessarily make it true. It helped me realize just how cool my mom is. And she never again questioned my interest in the hobby that has become my passion.

Hi-Tech vs. Lo-Tech: What to Bring to The Table?

I started gaming in the 6^th grade (circa 1991). When I first started, things were pretty low tech. Game consisted of a hand written character sheet, a pencil, a handful of polyhedral dice, and scratch paper/post-its for side conversations with GM or players. We had hard bound rule books that were dog-eared beyond belief.

That was so last century.

Today, I still have a library of gaming books, but I don’t lug them around to games. Instead, I have digital copies on my computer. When I prepare for game, I can load them on the laptop or my kindle. I have a dice roller on my phone, instead of sticky notes I can simply IM or text a player. Character sheets can and often are Excel spreadsheets. Who needs a GM screen when I can do most of the work from my laptop? With so many electronics now making their way to the game table the question comes up, “do you even really need to gather at someone’s house to play?” Of course not, we have Skype too. Or, depending on your style, you can play by email (although, this too reminds me of some of my old games prior to Skype).

So how much tech is too much? For me, having gamed across all levels of tech at this point, I like a nice blend. I like to physically be with my game group, so I am not much of a Skype fan. There is just something about gathering with friends and interacting with them in person. Honestly, if I wanted to interact with virtual people, I’d just log into World of Warcraft or Star Wars: the Old Republic. Now, I am sure someone out there is going to go off that Skype-ing and playing an MMO are different, since you are can see the person. However, to me, it just seems so artificial.

Depending on the group and what tech they have, I may have my Kindle with digital versions of game books available as well as core books in hard-copy. If I am GMing, I do prefer to use my laptop. I don’t like writing my gaming ideas out on paper any more. My hands cramp up and I can definitely get more word count out quickly when I have a keyboard. My laptop also has a copy of the rule book for handy reference as well as all of my adventure content. Scene descriptors and pictures that I have saved to give the players an idea of what they are seeing.

As for dice, call me old fashion, but I love the feeling of dice in my hands. Plus the sound they make is like music to my ears. Even if I use handfuls of dice to play, I would prefer the real thing. As for my players, I am fine with them randomly generating their numbers however they prefer. However, if they are consistently passing every test, I may ask them to show me their rolls. But that hasn’t been necessary yet.

Character sheets – again I prefer low tech here. I don’t care if we are using the “official” character sheet for the game or hand written accounta of stats and gear, I generally prefer paper to pixel. NPCs are a different matter. Those are on the laptop. But when I am playing, I would prefer actual paper to prevent distraction from the shiny interwebz. I also prefer my players to use paper for the same reason.

As for notes, I prefer hi-tech alternatives. Again, I can get the point across faster if I can type. Since I don’t like my players to have laptops, this usually means text messages. Of course the downside to this is the delay that can happen from send to receive. So far, I haven’t had this negatively affect a game. But I have had folks share with me that they have had some unfortunate events happen due to the delay that relying on cell towers has caused.

I currently play in a game that is extremely lo-tech. In fact, the only tech at work during the game is the GMs laptop to provide background music. Otherwise, he has provided us print outs of useful events happening during the era we are playing in (the game is set in the ‘20s), common phrases used during the setting, hard copies of books for reference, loads of scrap paper for notes and paper character sheets. The GM strongly frowns on any modern tech at the game table. It is very retro to me, but I survive.

What is your preference when it comes to tech? How much is too much? What has worked for you and what hasn’t? Feel free to share using the comments below.

I’d Play That

I was trying to figure out what today’s topic would be. I was talking with my husband and he suggested talking about RPGs that we both think would be fun to play if they were made. Now admittedly, with the various game systems out there, these could probably be played now. And after writing this, I may have to actually work on rules for doing so for conventions and one-off games.

Highlander – Ok, I am a big fan of the movie (there could be only one) and the series. It sounds like they are going to redo the first movie, so this game could potentially happen. There have been various rumors of an RPG none have come to fruition. There was a great Net Supplement for old World of Darkness, which I have played around with.

Of course the downside to an RPG version of Highlander, is in the end there can be only one immortal. Getting a group of immortals to not kill each other during an entire campaign may be nigh impossible. This could make for a great one shot, where they investigate the doings of evil immortal. Character in-fighting will run high as they squabble over which one is going to take the immortal’s head and quickening. Combat would ultimately be a main focus of this game, so it would need a system that had smooth combat that didn’t take hours to run.

Possible spin-off of this gaming universe would be to play a group of Watchers. Try to get close enough to your immortal without them knowing and if you get caught coming up with reasons you are stalking them.  This would be where great roleplaying would come in. Of course, the characters could go rogue and decide to off all of the immortals. They can’t feel you coming and you know the only way to keep them down for good.

Tron – They made it into a computer game and I think it could be a fun RPG. Perhaps I am more excited to see what the inside art of the books would look like. There are a few approaches to this game. You could play based on the original movie and be fighting the tyranny of MCP. Or perhaps, your characters take on the fight against CLU. Perhaps you want to explore other areas of the Grid looking for lost ISOs.

Someone had told me about a Tron-esque game they were working on using the d20 system. They really focused on the idea that you were a living program, and your class was represented by your file type. Warriors were .EXE, Bards would be .MP3, Wizards would be .DOC, etc. But at the heart, it is a D&D game that takes place inside of a computer. Perhaps if the characters didn’t know that they were files and found out through game play, this could be an interesting route. Other suitable game systems might be ShadowRun or a good ole percentile.

Transformers – Again, I think this might be more of a thematic interest. I mean holy cow I am playing a giant friggin robot that can transform. And there is such a history to explore with this one. Perhaps your game takes place on Cybertron, before the Transformers crashed on Earth. You could take part in the Cybertronian wars or you could be on Earth trying to defend against the Decepticons. Or maybe you play as a group of Decepticons? I love the idea of a gaming group that has the ability to form into one big transformer together. Talk about team work.

As far as a system, again this could be a pretty simple game. You don’t really have any super powers to work with, so you can go with a simple system for resolving effects. I could see this being a modern d20 game or really any system that doesn’t necessarily have classes. However, I think you should get things for leveling up.

Alternatives of this could involve playing a Voltron force. Of course if you go that way, you really aren’t necessarily leveling your giant robot, so using the mech-warrior system might be better if you went that way.

Care Bears – You and your friends take up the mantle of various Care Bears or Care Cousins to defeat the forces of evil and rescue hapless children that have been duped by the bad guys. You can be people like Love-A-Lot Bear, Cozyheart Penguin, or Cheer Bear. Of course, there is always room in the Care Bear universe for new characters as well. You could create characters like Emo Bear, Fhtagn Squid, or Touch-Me-Here Bear. You would have a Cuteness attribute that could be used to disorient people as they Ooh and Ahh at how adorable you are. Ultimate power would be the Care Bear Stare which would allow you to increase your cuteness while devastating your foe with the power of your tummy symbol.
Almost any existing system could probably handle the Care Bears. It could be an interesting use of the Grimm d6 system. It is simple enough. Variations of this game could include My Little Ponies or Rainbow Brite. Perhaps they could all join together. I am not sure that I would be able to retain the contents of my stomach with that much cute running around.

Almost any ‘80s cartoon – Think about it, you could play as Gummi Bears, Smurfs, Thundercats, He-Man/She-ra, Jem, TNMT, etc. How cool is it to relive or re-create adventures you saw on TV as a kid. I miss these cartoons and I think it would be fun to play any of them.

How about you? What RPGs would you love to play, even just for a few games? Or, if you have translated on of the above games, share what system you used and how it turned out. Share using the comments below.