How Gaming Is Helping Me

Lately, I have been thinking of resurrecting my ideas of a Mage: the Ascension game. The urge to craft a story and run it for some folks has been building up since MisCon. Unfortunately, I do not currently have a game group. My former group of players split up a year or so ago. However, my lack of players has not qwelled my interest in putting together a game.

There will be opportunities to run it, I suppose. Right now, I am crafting a one-shot game to kick the story off. I suppose I could run it at one of the game days here in Missoula or take it with me to the Great Falls Gaming Rendezvous. This seems like an easy solution to my current desire. However, it will require me to get over my unfortunate stage fright.

I mentioned in a previous post that I have developed a certain level of anxiety when it comes to gaming. I am rather amazed that I haven’t given up on the hobby because of it. But I suppose I am a glutton for punishment. However, at the heart of this is an absolute fear of playing with people I don’t know. I don’t know how they are going to act or react to me and I feel them judging everything that I do. Often, it drives out the very soul of my character and replaces it with a rudimentary artificial intelligence that is only capable of rolling dice.

Thankfully, this year at MisCon, I finally pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and played in a game ran by a dear friend. Prior to the convention, I had played a test version of one of the games he ran over the weekend. This was helpful as I had a couple of people from my old gaming group along with two people that I know, but have never played with. It was like playing with a safety blanket. At the convention, I played with four people I have never met before. The only one I knew in the room was the GM.

I will admit now that the entire time we gamed my palms were sweaty and my heart was fluttering with nervousness. But I pushed that aside and had fun. Of course, it was easy in that game. I was Peter Pan. And I had one mission. Find Tinkerbell and rescue her. There was a bit of in-character wimpering for my fairy and calling out her name. I rushed into danger headlong. I flew about using my fairy dust. And ultimately, by the end of it, I didn’t feel judged. I felt that we all had a rather fun time.

Those few hours as Peter started something inside me. If I could push aside my anxiety as a player, could I do the same as a GM? Could I put together a story that would entertain the players and allow them to focus on the game and not on the person running it? I think I can. And to that end, I am going to be focusing on putting together a game and testing it out. Maybe one will lead to another and another. Who knew gaming could help a person deal with social anxiety?