November 9th, 2016
I have never had to use my protected time off work on the day after an election. At the same time, I have never been so terrified to leave my house. A few weeks ago, I dreamt of a Trump win and last night proved eerily accurate to that dream. The only part that did not happen was the eventual reveal that Russia had ensured his win and that Trump’s cries of a rigged election were silent pleas for help. But now we are on the precipice of a Trumpian era.
Anger. Frustration. Fear. These are feelings I am dealing with this morning, as I watch my social media feeds blow up. I am afraid of my fellow Americans in a way I never really have been before. I have never felt the need to own a gun and I am beginning to regret that decision. I feel like my husband and I have no real method of protecting ourselves and I do not know if we will need to or not. I do not know what the Trumpian era will do for our marriage and our rights. Will we have any kind of protection from anti-LGBT+ bullying tactics?
I am frustrated with folks who, in their absolute revulsion against Hillary and the establishment, opted to elect Trump. I get it, voting third party allowed folks options to vote their conscience and hope that their candidate earned enough of the vote to help with third party funding. The reality is, voting third party was also a way to say, “I don’t care of Trump wins.” And, for those folks who point out that if they had not voted for third party they were likely to not vote at all, an abstained vote would have also been a vote for Trump. Pretty much the only vote that were not for Trump were for Hillary, as she was the only one available that could have prevented his election. I will agree that this election certainly proved the power of the popular vote.
Anger was my companion after the DNC this summer. Polling data showed that Hillary Clinton could not win against Donald Trump. It also showed that the only Democratic win would come if Bernie Sanders was the candidate put forth by the party. Armed with this data, the DNC still opted to put forth Hillary Clinton. I definitely want a woman in President, but Clinton was not my candidate of choice. She may have won me over with a powerful woman running mate, but she opted to go with a white guy who seems incredibly lack luster. I liked her message about a strong, working, middle class. And I understand concerns about her credibility and her competency, not on the basis of her gender, but because she has made some questionable decisions. Those decisions do, in fact, make her a more qualified candidate, because at least she has political experience. Unfortunately, the Democrat spin doctors could not rally more support behind her. I think we failed when we were relying on “At least a vote for Hillary isn’t a vote for Trump.” It was an accurate statement, but the Democratic party and our allies needed to focus on action statements, we needed to focus on how a Democratic vote would benefit America. I voted for Hillary, but only because I could not vote for Trump and that is not a position we should ever be in. I wanted a democratic nominee that I could be proud to support, not because the alternative was terrible, but because they were an amazing candidate whose platform matched up nearly perfectly with my beliefs.
Numb.
What does the next four years look like? Posted on one friend’s wall was an anecdote from a colleague of theirs. In it, was shared that a friend of theirs had to go to their child’s school today after another student told them that they better pack their bags for their move back to Africa. This was from a child in elementary school. Admittedly, it is a comment much removed from me, but I believe the accuracy of it. This decision is not about adults. Our children are impacted by this decision in ways we cannot fully appreciate in this moment. We may chastise Millennials, but their entire worldview was changed by 9/11. This election and the hate before and after will echo in our young people for a generation or more. However, we must acknowledge that it is not just this election that will affect them, but how we as a nation choose to react to it.
Disbelief. I see friends posting about the hilarity of people’s reaction to this election. Or people asking for “Hillary supporters” to lose graciously. A brief check shows these messages as coming from heterosexual, white, men. None of them are in a position that is hated right now. They do not seem to understand the fear generated by this vote and my hope is that if they begin to see their friends and loved ones impacted negatively as a result of this election, they might wake up and understand that this is not a laughing matter. However, I will not hold my breath waiting for it.
How do we begin to heal from this? How do we come together as decent people and support one another against the possible backlash of this election? I do not know. For me, I must temper my anger. If I attack people, how will I be any better than Trump? If I let hate and anger and fear guide me, how do I act as a pillar of support for the people I love? Right now, I want to cry. I want to believe it was a horrible dream. That the election is still a few weeks away and that we can make a difference. I want to believe that we are all better than this and that we find a way to embrace one another and change. I want to believe that some good can come from this. Some terrible catharsis that we need in order to grow and become a progressive force for good.
I want to believe.
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